What does that mean?
Well, it means Love (in Greek). As in love with a capital L. The kind of love that puts the well being of others before your own. The kind of love that gets a parent up at 1am to feed their crying baby. (Because although the crying is annoying, what really gets us out of bed is that we know what the crying means and we tend to it out of love for that tiny helpless human being.) The kind of love husbands and wives are to have for one another and the kind of love that Christ has for his church. It is the self-sacrificial love that Christ expects out of us, and also the love that allowed Him to bear the cross.
It is interesting to note that almost every time it is mentioned in scripture as a command or an attribute of God or Christ, agape or agapao is the translation of the "love" used. For example:
- Mat 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. (and Mar 12:30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.)
- Joh 13:34-35 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
- Joh 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
- Joh 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
As you can tell, it is a central idea to God's teaching. It not only governs our relationship with Him but also with others, as depicted in Mat 5:43-48 "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."
And it is hard to do. How do you love someone that you, in fact, hate or despise? What about someone that has harmed you in some way? Well, for starters, this kind of love doesn't necessarily involve warm fuzzy feelings. Now that we got that out of the way, what does it involve? Well, it involves putting their soul's well being before your own comfort or your own preferences. This can mean many things, including refusing to give them money if you know they will spend it on drugs or alcohol (or other things you know will harm them) or lovingly confronting them about a sin in their life that is keeping them from an assurance of Heaven. It does involve you having certain boundaries in place and it does not mean that you are a doormat. Sometimes loving them may mean being a good example to them, not holding a grudge, or being willing to forgive offenses. When in doubt, ask yourself, what can I do or say that will influence them for Christ? What will affect their eternal destiny in a positive manner?
phileō
From the Greek also, it means to be a friend to (fond of [an individual or an object]), that is, have affection for (denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling; while agape love is wider, embracing especially the judgment and the deliberate assent of the will as a matter of principle, duty and propriety: the two thus stand related very much as ethelō (wish, prefer, be inclined to) and boulomai (to intend), or as thumos (passion, wrath, indignation) and nous (intellect, mind, will) respectively; the former being chiefly of the heart and the latter of the head); specifically to kiss (as a mark of tenderness): - kiss, love.
So there is a difference between these two kinds of love. Phileo love is more often described as brotherly love but it can also be thought of as love for an object or activity (like your favorite book, pillow, TV show or sport). It is the word used (translated as love) in these following verses:
- Mat 6:5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
- Mat 23:6 And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues,
- Luk 20:46 Beware of the scribes, which desire to walk in long robes, and love greetings in the markets, and the highest seats in the synagogues, and the chief rooms at feasts;
- Joh 15:19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
- Rom 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
And I bring this up because we are to love God and one another with agape love above all. And, as brothers and sisters in Christ, we can (and should) be friends as Rom 12:10 commands. But our higher calling is agape love. Christ brings this point out as recorded in John 21:
Joh 21:15 - 17 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love (agape) me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love (phileo) you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs." He said to him a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love (agape) me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love (phileo) you." He said to him, "Tend my sheep."
He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love (phileo) me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love (phileo) me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love (phileo) you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep".
Not to pick on Peter, but this conversation is very revealing of the difference on how we view love and how God views it.
What about that passage where we are told to hate? Isn't hate the opposite of love? Well, no. Apathy is. But we will get to that in a minute.
The passage is this:
Luk 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple."
The Greek word used for hate is miseō which does mean "to despise" but can also mean "to love less". So, no, God is not contradicting Himself, He is just giving you a priority list: He is first, everything else comes after Him, including your loved ones and your own life.
And so, what about apathy? We all think of hate as the opposite of love, but apathy is the opposite of love. Because to hate, you have to still care enough to give that person some of your time and energy. With apathy, you won't even dare to lift a finger, or say a word. Apathy is dangerous because it numbs you. Apathy is a shield that some that have been hurt will hide behind. And the danger in apathy is that you don't get to pick what you get numbed to. And so, in choosing apathy to avoid pain, you also forgo love and joy. Apathy keeps you locked in your little world, not daring to set out and affect the life of others. But by locking them out of your world, you are also locking yourself out of theirs. And you might say "well isn't that the point : avoiding others to avoid the possibility of pain". To that I will say that by taking that route you are also avoiding the possibility of love, friendship, joy and peace. Don't take that route.
P.S.; For more on love and its counterfeit, lust, you can read my previous post. This one is long enough as it is.
